The Joys Of Golden Grooming

Dear Cubby,
If there had been someone around taking pictures I would turn this into a children's book.
Spring is here in Phoenix ... yeah, in the middle of January it's in the 70s. So as such, you were in desperate need of the full grooming treatment today. And since it gets too cool after sundown to bathe you, it had to be done in the afternoon.
There was no chance of using the bath table because the sun was so intense and I couldn't see a thing, so I sat on the concrete at the back door and got to clipping. I hadn't realized how long your hair had gotten; we really should've done this a month or two ago. I got enough hair off of you to make a real puppy, and that was before the de-shed!
Enter stage right, the feral kitten who jumped into the yard. You were going to have a spell unless I let you "go", so I said okay, figuring you'd chase the kitten away and come on back. It didn't work out quite that way. That nasty-tempered kitten stood his ground and, if I hadn't shouted "leave it" you probably would've ended up with a bloody scratch or two. After that, it was a real battle getting you to settle down and stay still so we could finish your trim.
We really really don't need any more hot spots so I clipped and clipped and clipped with thinning shears to get all that thick hair away from your ears, and it just didn't seem to get any thinner! Guess we're going to be doing that every couple of weeks from now on.

With all the clipping done, the sun was low enough to be able to use the bath table and get you cleaned up. So I got one side all wet and soaped up and ... DOORBELL. With Mike expecting two deliveries today, I told you to stay and ran back in the house. I said STAY!! That didn't mean dashing in through the dog door, joining me as I opened the door, or shaking your water and shampoo bubbles all over the living room! You dingbat!! I was ready to clobber you ...

...and you knew it. You followed me out the back door and you went absolutely bonkers, running all over the yard, rolling around in the grass and dirt, and flatly ignoring all my booming commands to "stop", "come", and "bath". You were wound up tighter than a ten cent top, your tail was whipping, and you were just having a blast! I had to turn away and laugh so you wouldn't see, but then had to go get the bath leash to get you back up on the table. And because I had to completely redo the bath, there almost wasn't enough shampoo left in the bottle! One thing after another after another after another!

And then ... as if you and I hadn't been through enough today, I figured, "Let's get everything out of the way all at once; let's do toenails too." Usually you're a wiggle worm, making a whole ordeal out of it, but you surprised me! It wasn't bad at all. Maybe that's the secret of a successful nail trim ... making sure you're too exhausted to fight.

All in all, one of the more memorable grooming sessions.